Life. Funny is it not. It sneaks up on you and plays cruel tricks on your mind. Letting you feel free at times, and a prisoner of your own imagination at other times.
I feel free.
I was headed up the mountain the other day, and I saw a bird flying around one of the back bowls. He just flew in circles and watched below him. No structure to his path, just cruising along with the shift of the wind. Completely free in the sky. Nothing stopping him, or grounding him. It made me smile. Then he was gone. Just like that. And it snowed a lot that day. I think he knew the snowfall was near. He probably tucked himself away somewhere warm, high up in a tree. He probably watched us enjoy the snow and our enjoyment transferred to his own.
We are all beings of symbiosis are we not, all feeding off one another, all sensitive in small, and large ways to the ones that surround us. We can’t help but feed off one another’s emotions, creations, and inspirations. We can not help it, its in our human nature. It is beautiful, and dramatic all in the same.
This year is different than the rest that have made up my time thus far. I don’t know what it is about aging that doesn’t exactly mature my mind, but makes it wander more so than when I was a teen. I have picked up more hobbies, more dreams and more ideas than ever in the past 18 months. I want to create entire movements, new worlds, new theories. I want to create shiny things, and colorful things, and beautiful books, and songs, and learn to play more instruments, and learn to make my own food, and learn how to read people better. I have more hobbies than time. I have this passion for learning. It was always there but It has gone into some kind of intrinsic hyper drive.
My friends inspire me, their words, their expressions, their reactions, their doubts, their dreams. It is all so perfect and imperfect at the same time. So many expectations. I have so many of myself. I don’t expect to reach all of them but I hope to explore them all.
This is really the ramblings of an individual that sleeps too little, and dreams too much. An individual that wants to paint her world, but only has primary colors. An individual that wants to fly but feels grounded at the moment. An individual that loves her bubble, but prefers to dance in a field of bubbles. An individual that followed all the rules for years, but now doesn’t even know what that necessarily means. An individual that has love larger than life, and doesn’t quite know how to properly disperse it. An individual that cares for many, but hurts more so than she knows. A girl trying to do whats right, in a world where there exists 456 definitions of right and wrong.
I have no answers, no plans, no plan B’s respectively, no insurance, no strings, no boundaries and I am completely content and comfortable with that. I don’t know what that makes me, but I know what it doesn’t make me. And that’s tied down. So here I am ……free, in a world where nothing is. And that makes me feel…..priceless.