Neither Here Nor There.

Sometimes music tells the story for you, or at least enhances what it is that you feel in the moments you create stories or entries. This is what I hear now.

“It’s G”

Photo By Rona Lochner

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Sometimes I amble away.

My mind waivers.

My eyes fixate.

And I forget to breathe.

So, I remind myself

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Close your eyes….

I…..breathe in

2……breathe out, exhale

3……Open your eyes

Be present.

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At times I open them, and feel a bit daft.

Curious about my own withdrawness at times.

My eyes glaze over my surroundings, seemingly foreign to me from just a familiar moment before.

I am, recognizably extroverted.

Yet, wickedly recluse at times.

There is something so appealing about loneness.

But something so electric as adoration and acceptance by your peers.

Each of us provoked by the pair.

One always lacking when the other thrives.

If I have learned anything about human nature.

It is that we are bipartisan conscripts to our own emotion.

Constantly evolving, creating boundlessly, and gratified only momentarily.

It is within each of us to exert ourselves with curiosity.

Our minds shift from focus second to second.

Minutes envelop infinite affinities, and dreams.

We create more in a mindful moment than we can carry out in a lifetime.

====================================

The bipartisan mind is exhausting.

So….sometimes I amble away.

My mind waivers.

My eyes fixate.

And I forget to breathe.

and I remind myself

==================================

Close your eyes….

I…..breathe in

2……breathe out, exhale

3……Open your eyes

Try …..to be present.

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And I repeat the process over and over throughout the day.

So indulge me if I seem absent at times, and just watch.

Maybe you will see something surface.

I am within myself….. creating things.

I am building concepts that may never develop.

I am generating new colors.

I am constructing movements.

I am developing plots for fictitious characters.

I am lost in my own world.

…………….

The reality of our situation is that we dream 24 hours a day.

We never stop.

We just tune out sometimes, in order to be present.

I am currently attempting to tune back in, while also remaining mindfully cognitive to what is only lightly submerged .

Sometimes my thoughts get the better of me.

So I do apologize if I seem everywhere, and no where all at once.

I can not say I will ever understand how to entertain the two simultaneously.

I guess, sometimes you just have to check out ………to check in.

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3 thoughts on “Neither Here Nor There.

  1. That was great, the music went along and ended right as I finished reading. I’ve been thinking a lot about these things lately too, that struggle between being what you want and what others expect. It’s really tough because of the inspiration that can strike in situations with others leaves me feeling regretful when I don’t participate but on the other side, feeling better off locked away with my thoughts. I think finding that equilibrium is essential for a happy, healthy life but not all that apparent. Either way, I wouldn’t apologize for those moments of thought. I believe people need to spend more time using their minds than their mouths. An awkward silence is only awkward to the person who isn’t comfortable just being here now. 🙂

    • wow. Mark. That is exactly how I feel. Couldn’t have said it better. I agree, sometimes I just need to be within. I get called out a lot for not focusing or being a flake. But honestly I need about 80 percent of my time to be with myself and 20 to be with others and being present. My mind runs so quickly I just don’t have the time to figure things out being outward. Sometimes I just have to seclude myself and stare off into the distance so that I can just breathe for myself.

      • Wow, totally spaced on checking back on this! Was just reading the post about your friend… So sad but inspiring. My deepest condolences to you. As humans, one of our toughest obstacles in life is being forced to say goodbye to someone or something that we love and it never gets easier. Like always though, you will keep moving on with your own journey, learning from the experience and trying to make sure that every precious minute you get is enjoyed. I really enjoy your writing G, I’m kind of envious. I can never manage to put down the imagery I see and feel into words or even photos for that matter! I’m pretty much the same way with needing my personal time split pretty heavily towards the loner side. I think it waivers all the time but i always need those times to stare off, reflect on things, just exist without the pressures that people seem to let take over there lives. I was kind of forced to do this recently but it was under tough circumstances. I was just dealing with relationship woes and life got tough for a couple weeks. Stress built up, financial problems arose, relationships were strained to extreme. I was in a fit of despair for a couple days, wallowing in self loathing. After coming close to having an anxiety attack, which i’ve never had, I calmed myself and realized that I had dealt with this before, many times, in fact. So I went out and had some nice conversations with some new friends and old friends, and when I got home to my empty house, I just sat and reflected with a big smile on my face. It really solidified the need for that balance in life. Anyways, sorry about the sob story 😉 It just really applied to this post and to your most recent one and thought I’d share!

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