I sat there in the green grass.
Staring up at the vibrancy of the blue sky.
White clouds floated above my head.
And warm wind blew across my arms.
Goosebumps began to rise on my amber toned skin.
And my eyes began to water.
Salty streams ran down the sides of my face into my shoulders below.
I was viewing my life in watercolor.
I began to notice the environment that surrounded me.
There was no one particular reason I could clarify for you.
For what was manifesting within me.
I just felt………ok.
I felt like for the first time in my life.
I was exactly where I was meant to be.
I have spent my life running.
But in this moment I knew no matter where I ran.
All roads led to here.
And I was ….Ok……with that.
Everyone at some point in there life will find something, someone, some place, some moment that will change their lives forever.
Some of us may find one, or all, or a couple of those entities that will change our lives forever.
But when the moment occurs you surrender all power of control.
And you realize that you actually were never in control of any of the prior moments.
That everything you had been doing would lead you right up to these very moments.
And when they occurred, the universe would have its way of offering you what was necessary for you to make these moments fruitful.
So what am I talking about.
It was a mental switch.
It has not been a specific action, or movement, or word.
It was a grouping of all of these things considered.
I fell in love with a person, with a place, with a practice, with a sport, with my readings, and with my body.
And no matter which of those things would dissipate from my life, and which would stay with me forever.
They all had been in attendance for just the right duration of time that they were meant to.
I could no longer grasp onto things. I had to let life float freely through the things I loved.
Some I would miss, some would float by in my thoughts many moments a day, some would become routine in my daily affairs, some would just exist for one fragment of a moment to light my life in a way I had never imagined, some would stay with me until the moment my light ran out, and some would always be in the background watching over me.
But as I sat there in the tall green grass.
And looked up at the vibrancy of the blue sky.
I freely let the tears steam down my amber colored cheeks.
I let all of those emotions roll down my body, and back into the tall green grass.
Because I knew that I was always meant to sit right here.
And look directly up at those white clouds floating above my head.
And I was always meant to feel just the way I did right here.
I was having a genuine moment, in a safe place, with myself.
I knew I had lost so much, but I now understood what I gained with each loss.
I knew I had been so sad before, but I now understood I needed grief at times to appreciate the beautiful blessings in my life.
And I acknowledged that my past was a dark one, but I did not have to carry that past with me into my present.
I now understood that anything that had been characteristic of me prior to this moment, I could freely cast away if I felt necessary.
I could leave behind the unnecessary, and bring forward the useful.
I realized people would come into my life in many forms, but I knew that I was not to grasp onto them.
Because they were each on their own journey, and I was much too small to stand in the way of the greater good.
And I stood up with that, and I finally felt the strength that I had always tried to project outwardly, formally settle and finalize in my body.
I walked away, leaving my doubt seated there with my impression in the earth, because I knew that although that place was a beautiful one.
I had to leave it.
But there would be many more beautiful places to sit in tall green grass.
Under a vibrant blue sky.
With white clouds floating overhead.
And each time I sat in a new place.
I would let thoughts waft through my mind of the past places.
And I would smile.
But I would not linger of those other places, because where I would be in that present moment.
Was exactly where I was meant to be.
I would now let life do with me what it must, and I would appreciate every beautiful moment I had.
Knowing that…..in just one moment it could be gone.
Appreciate the small things, the grand things, that hurtful things, the emotional things, the mental things, the physical things, the random things……and all the others.
Because they are all a part of who you are, and what you are meant to learn, on whatever journey the universe has created just for you.
And most importantly.
Never doubt your worth.
Never question your importance.
“Things that cannot last.
Seem as if they will.”