“This is not a goodbye, my darling, this is a thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go.
I love you.”
As humans we have our differences. Across the spectrum of all things involving our existence, we sometimes find it difficult to relate to one another. Each person, fully arrayed with their own set of beliefs, opinions and truths. But the one thing we can all relate to is the idea of love. We may not define it identically, we may not all welcome it warmly, and we may not all relate to the emotional stigma that resonates within each of us when we lose it.
But for the most part we speak of falling in love as this magical phenom that encompasses our entire being. A sensation of losing absolute control of our mental, and physical facilities. Complete withdrawal from ourselves as one. We fall so hard for another that we no longer consider ourselves in the singular sense. When we attain love, we transform into something massed.
But on the other end of the love spectrum, we tend to welcome melancholy. When we lose our loved one, we lose ourselves again…..but not in the way we did before. For a short time, or sometimes an extended grieving period, our mind becomes fixed on what we lost. We begin to lose faith in ourselves and in what we created with another person.
When we fall in love we bond with each other in every way. Our beliefs, our passions, our desires, our weaknesses ….. They all begin to encompass everything that makes us an ‘us’. We do lose a bit…. of ourselves. We are no longer one in a sense, our actions become doubled, because they do not just effect just us anymore. So in this process of falling in love, we let go of singularity. We progress in our abilities in a way, because we learn a vital lesson. We learn selflessness, we learn how to care for one another, we learn how to communicate our thoughts, we learn to let go of our fears, we learn to trust.
And when we fall out of love, we go falling into an chasm of emotion. We try to grasp onto anything that will make us feel whole again. But that is where we stand corrected. When you lose the person you love. You do lose what you created with that person. Everything that you learned, everything that you gave into …..is still apart of who you are. What we may have lost yesterday, can be the reason for what we may gain tomorrow. If we choose to see it that way.
It is a sensitve process. We vividly still see the things that seem familiar, smells revisit us, warmth returns to our side when we sleep alone at night. And when we decide to move on we still have troubles comparing others to lovers lost. We tend to remember what was beautiful about our connections to others, and we so strongly push aside the dark times.
What it took for me to realize that love wasn’t a necessary evil, was that in the process of falling in love with another being, I created something with him. And although what he may have created with me, had long dissolved. The thing I had created with him…. was still very strong, and existed in my world. And just because it was no longer attached to another being, in no way meant that its existence was up for debate. You see what I created in that time we spent together, was love. And I hadn’t experienced it yet, and I felt it so strongly for that time, than when he left I thought it would cease to exist.
But what I came to realize was that just because he had been the muse that helped me create this thing, he wasn’t taking it with him when he departed. The energy expelled, and the hope created when we finally give in to someone is powerful. It is the most intense rush we encounter in our lives. We can leap off the tallest edifices, we can swim miles beneath the sea, we can run great lengths around the world, and we can dive into chaos. But that feeling we get when we look into someone’s eyes, and we feel exactly what they feel….and we see what they see. That feeling is enslaving for the time that it consumes us. Touch, smell, sound……all our senses become heightened and empowered in those moments. That is why love is beautiful, no matter how short lived it may be, or how one sided it sometimes is. Or even if you find out that maybe you were the only one in love, that love was still unconditional.
Understanding this we can be much more content beings. The love we created when we fell for just one person, can be translated into so many faucets in our lives. Love goes into our writing, into our friendships, into our art, into our bodies and into our healing.
It took me awhile to come to such a realization. Falling in love was beautiful because there was someone there to catch me. Falling out of love ended up being even more beautiful, because I learned how to catch myself. In a world of billions, I stood on the edge of something that before seemed so abysmal and dark…….and I came out of it light as a feather.
My world became electric, because without this other person attached to what I had created…….. I had it all to myself. And I began to give it to everything I created from that moment forward. I was a creator before, but what I create now is different. There is nothing more raw and genuine and beautiful….. than a song sung, or an art work created, or a poem spoken, or a book written….or a practice …practiced ….than one created by a being that has lost their love, and regained it.
So next time you fall out of love with another, just remember that it’s perfectly fine to fall right back into love with yourself, and life in it’s entirety. The relationship you have with yourself after that sort of loss, is one of the most powerful, respectful and beautiful relationships you will have with yourself in this lifetime.
“The funny and the most beautiful thing about LOVE is..
you don’t need any one else to fall in love with,, you can love yourself, the ambiance
around you, the things which belong to you, and even those which don’t..”
― Sanhita Baruah