Why I wander

 “I am not here to save the world and thank God for that. I can honestly say I have no desire to save the world. That sounds like too much work and impossible. But I do get excited about helping others to save their own personal worlds, including finding their life purpose. A Muse helps people identify what they desire to do. Imagine a world where everyone understood how his or her skills, passions and talents could help humanity and transform our lives. All I know is that if I do exactly what I want to do, I will inspire other people somehow. It is that easy.” – Giselle Koy 

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People always ask me how I travel. And why? And I ask myself the same set of questions. Not always. But at times. I find myself in places that are beautiful, but I am alone most of the time. And I ask myself why I feel it necessary to wander. I ask myself what I will find here on this vista, that is so different from home. I ask myself how new friends on the road will teach me more than the familiar faces of my home base. Many times on the road I find myself in a new place just walking around. Looking at things, observing, not always interacting. Like a child. I just watch things. Every little detail catches my eye, I get lost in the small things many moments of my days. Not quite sure what my observations mean exactly, but under the impression that somehow they are important.

I also find it strange and serendipitous how often travel organically finds itself in my life. It always has. Never having much money, travel has still always somehow been available to me. Busses, ride-shares, hitchhiking, cheap flights….they somehow find their way into my life. So I guess I assumed if it was available to me, why would I not take the opportunity to explore our world.

But you see it is not a choice. It is something so inherent in me, so natural, that it is like breathing. Look within yourself, what is it that materializes in you? What is the one thing in your life that has always seemed so naturally fitting? What is it in your life that always found it’s way there, even when you were trying to run in the opposite direction?  We all have something.

I have always been a wanderer. So asking me why I travel, and how I do it….. is a very pressing question for me. Because I do not know how to answer it. If I asked you why do you have Brown eyes, instead of Blue? Or why are you from Texas, and not from California? How would you answer? These are not things that we have no control over. I am no different. I am just who I am.  Just as you are, who you are.

For my early twenties I thought maybe it was because I was looking for something, that there was some lesson to be learned and some experience to be had that would change my life. Every time someone asked my why, I thought long and hard about it. I filled up many journals with my observations, and looking back over them….they all counteract one another. I was trying to understand something that wasn’t meant to be understood.

But I think the beauty of my life is that it’s constantly changing. And I think the true beauty of my life, and my perspective is that I am ok with that. Change is a difficult thing to process for us as humans, we grow attached to people, to places, and to things.

I am no different in that aspect. I feel emotion for things so strongly that when I do lose the things that I truly love, it tears at me from the inside. But the difference is that I am ok with letting the emotions sweep over me, and I move on. I feel deeply for places, for people and for small things….but when they leave my life….I find new beautiful places, people and things. And for the things, and places that I truly love and that love me back, there is an everlasting bond there that is unbreakable no matter where I wander.

There are few people in my life that have attempted to truly understand me. That have truly accepted me for my strengths, and for my weaknesses, and do not hold it against me that I leave. But instead they love me no matter what, and always welcome me with open arms upon my return. Those people, and those home bases are the glue that hold my entire foundation together.

Because without them there would be no safe place to daydream about when I am far away. There would be no smiling familiar faces to return for. They make it all ok.

So when I find myself wandering around a new town, or in a new patch of woods, or on an airplane……it’s the old that truly makes the new possible. The familiar is what gives me the true strength to move forward, because I know that I can always retreat back.

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So I think the answer is….because I can. I travel because I know I can return. I travel because the world is a huge place, and I have little time. I wander because I want to learn, I want to see, and I want to feel what other people learn, see and feel in other parts of the world that are unfamiliar to me. And when I am ready for comfort, I always retreat back to my home, to the familiar faces that stay in my mind…and I share my stories with them. And they will just be happy that I am back home, and I will just be happy that they are happy that I am back home. And everything will go right back to the way it was….until I feel the desire to wander again.

It is just as easy as that.

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