There has been a dull pain behind my eyes lately. I am not sure if it exhaustion, or the fact that I am getting older, or if it’s because my sunny paradise is straining for my sight. I have explored the sensations but still can’t quite understand where the pain stems from. It has made me reflect on my eyesight quiet some time this week. Nightmares of loss, or deterioration. Scaring myself into believing that maybe something is wrong. Waiting for the sensation to subside.
I stood in front of the mirror this morning and my reflection stared back at me. I had a soft moment with it today, thinking of how often I judge my eyes. How often I pick apart so many pieces of myself. But my eyes, why? A voice in the back of my mind telling me that Brown is dull, bland and boring. Repeating over and over what colors I wish I could have reflect back to me in the mirror, what colors represent beauty and uniqueness. I felt sadness for the layer of myself that has carried these judgements as truth for so very long.
My eyes are such a special and beautiful part of my human existence. They are the pen, and paper and scrapbook of textures, colors, light and darkness that make up my perception of myself in this life. They show me the physical world, and sometimes when they are truly open they reveal to me small elements of something much larger than this one layered life.
Here I am seeing them for such shallow and superficial characteristics. Brown, dull, boring. How have I been so misguided for so long. Only in moments of pain when we experience loss do we realize the gifts we have been given.
Two such small parts of my physical being represent such a large part of how I have interpreted this world. Staring back now at my reflection I have so much self love for the person I am staring back at. And her eyes carry a world of consciousness, and illusion, and a world of unrealized and un-manifested energy within them. Such small sand colored pebbles that reflect the color of earth within them.
How beautiful Brown is. How very beautiful.